Wishes for a Blessed Holiday to you!

One last thought...

One last opinion - promise.
For those who are thinking of the hell the parents are going through now in CT. I want to tell you something, they are numb and in shock. They are going through the motions, they are in disbelief. In the months to come they will begin to thaw so t speak, they will innocently come upon possessions of their children tucked here or their in their homes and be crushed. They will face empty rooms, unopened presents, even their little laundry left behind, they will be crushed and broken all over again. You see as the shock wears away the reality of loosing your child begins brutally real. They will face many triggers that will ignite flashbacks and P.T.S.D. It might be a siren, a childs voice, a loud bang and they will instantly think gunfire, they will hear of other people loosing a child and weeps for that unknown person, they will think of their childs wounds, they will see flashes in their sleep of funerals and such. In one year the media will resurface and search them out the story will rekindle as the one year approaches, Christmas again will come and they will wonder how in the world to do this. You see that first year is bad but the second is really rougher. Many will return to their normal lives, these parents will never. Now they must figure out what this new normal is, they won't like it a bit. To reconfigure a life without your child regardless the age is so very hard. Yes, we accept your life goes on and understand it has too, but we are forced to silently suffer our loss because honestly no one wants to even think about what their life would be like if they were in our shoes.

Sandy Hook Famlies

God, this world is hostile. And sometimes violence and pain fall on good and innocent people. As parents we see this and the insecurity these threats spark in us are sometimes immobilizing. We cannot insure the safety of our own children. Our reach is too short, and we can never even anticipate all the risks they might face. Often our imaginations run wild. Our fears for our children – and for ourselves seeing our children in danger or pain – can overwhelm us. God, when we come to the end of our ability to control things we turn to you. We ask for your protection over our children, over their choices, over the friends they make, over the encounters they have with other adults. God, stand guard. We do not always understand how your protection works, and why some who call to you are seemingly...

 not kept safe. Still, we ask for your presence in the lives of our kids. Who else can we trust, but we? We certainly cannot secure their lives ourselves. And you do promise to guard and protect when we ask. ‘The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.’ This is the promise we claim for our children. Be ever present with them, and keep them from danger and sickness and violence and foolishness and accidents of nature. Send angels to be beside them today. When we can’t trust ourselves, we trust you. In Jesus…”

 

My heart goes out to each and every parent who has lost a child. This is the worst one will ever face, the pain never ceases, and we always think maybe this is some nightmare. Age doesn't matter as I have said before no parent wants to ever walk in these daily tears, live with a broken heart and yearn to hold their child just oncemore pretty please....  

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No not me

"No not me!" I don't want to go there! Ever!
No mom would ever, ever in a million years wants to contemplate what her life would be like if she were to lose a child. NO NOT ME!
You know it would be the worst pain, you wonder how you would exist, act, or even think.
This Christmas for the second time I won't be meeting my sons plane coming from O'Hara International in Chicago which coming from his home in Phoenix to our home...ah home in South Bend! Home, family, laughter till 3 A.M, favorite stories and goodies. Love and hugs.
No Not Me!I wouldn't ever want to go there, but.............
In the back of my mind in this creepy dark place, I thought, only briefly that something might happen to my son Mikie. I thought, since October 2006 that something not so good would happen when he moved 1900 miles from home. I had this ugly smoldering feeling that no matter how I tried to ignore or shake wouldn't leave myself alone. Did I think it would be this? No, at least I stopped myself from even going that far, life without Mikie isn't a life at all. I know.
So here I am Christmas number two....yes it is worst then one. You see the first Christmas there is this fog, a cloud hovering over you, one of disbelief. Then the second year the fog lifts some and you realize, well you realize its not a nightmare, nor a bad bad dream but its real. It stares you in the face, then slaps you so violently your head spins...he is not coming home again, not by plane, or a long car ride but only in my dreams. Did I say how unless I hear a religious Christmas song I fall apart? No "I'll be home for Christmas' or "Frosty the Snowman", they make me cry, in the grocery, or car or even a commercial I overhear in the next room. Although the beautiful song "Mary did you know" does stop me in my tracks and silently I weep for Mary (and me) knows where my heart is, she too lost her beautiful son.
Well today I am putting up tree five, yes five. The Frostly tree, Mikies favorite.

 Heck yes I'll cry, but in my heart and soul I am still "forcing" myself to decorate and bake and yuck buy gifts! BUT..know what? Christmas was such a special part of my family since I was a child, no not big on gifts but decorating, baking and Christ! I was honestly going to ease away from Christmas this year because of the depth of the sorrow it brings, but then I realized that all who are in heaven will be visiting me in their own special way for visions of the holidays we all so loved, so how dare I deprive them of family tradition? Mom, Dad, my siblings, my aunts and uncles and my grandparents, and especially my son who are all in heaven are going to be beside me in their own special way, "How can I let them down?"  They made me who I am.    
(Photo of Mikie and Gage, our last Christmas upon his arrival at the airport-2010)

Your in my thoughts and prayers

 

 

 

 

Just a little note whoever passes by, enjoy the coming holidays with your families, take too many pictures, give too many kisses and hugs. Sadly some of us can only live in past holidays that brought incredible joy. Prayers to the East Coast families your pain is mine, I pray for you to have strength you never even could imagine you have..

 

Father, everlasting God,
you who created the earth with a word
and will cleanse it with your own blood;
hear my prayer and be moved if it be your will.

I grow tired and weary,
for my chains are hard to bear.
But I trust in you to renew my strength.

The road you have set out for me
is broken and long,
and I fear that I may stumble or fall.

But I do not shy from the path,
for I know that your winds will fill my wings.
Your breath will be behind me, and like an eagle I will soar.

Grant me the strength to run and not grow weary, Father.
Grant me the strength to walk and not be faint.
In Jesus’ name, Amen

Those were the days....

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained!
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis , never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears & Robuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 15 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had..

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, 7 days a week. It cost 5 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning. On Saturday, he had to collect from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren . Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering (hair curling rods too) irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals..
Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1 Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7 Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [ if you were fortunate ]) 12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S & H green stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packard's
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5, You're still young
If you remembered 6-10, You're getting older
If you remembered 11-15, Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25, You' re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

It's been some time hasn't it?

Why yes it certainly has. Throughout the last months often times I've wanted to resume posting but wasn't quite up to it, so in the next few days or week I think I'll take a small step to return and see how that goes, what do you think? Is anyone still there?
Till then, Lori