Have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Wishing a holiday season with wonderful family memories. Take plenty of pictures, and be blessed with those near!

Thanks to you wonderful girls for keeping me close at heart!

Where I am at this season...

Last Christmas, I never thought it would be the last with my son Michael. I never thought that Christmas would no longer make my eyes sparkle, and put a kick in my heels with holiday preparations, but it has. Christmas this year has a new meaning for our family-one which we have yet to figure out. No doubt having a family member arrive home for the holidays you want everything perfect and festive. For my son since he moved in 2006 I went bonkers making every nook and cranny of the house sparkled and shined! This season I did shop in early October -to get it out of the way. I did decorate but not with the enthusiasm I had once before and put out 50% less then before. I love to bake, but those cookies my son loved are not ones I'll bake this season-too difficult.

About a week ago it hit me that my Mom who is passed had to be the most incredibly strongest woman I ever knew. Mom lost her two children and husband but for the family left she "sucked it up" so to speak and did Christmas for us. With this thought I have pressed ahead as my dear Mother had. I think that to omit the trees and some decorations and omit baking entirely would further make me feel that the memory of son is completely gone from us. By doing the things I have, I can remember the past holidays with deep fondness and joy. For in actuality it is all we now have. I sat and imagined that a blank Christmas would further enhance Mikies absence, this is too cruel. I want to feel that Mikie sees the porch decorations that I planned for him since last Christmas. I want Mikie to see his Polar Express train under the tree for his brothers and nephews. I want the Charlie Brown collection in the family room still up for him and everything else. Some yes, is still put away and for me that's alright. However, what is most important, those ornaments marking his first Christmas and those he made in school are up. I even made a tree for Mikie in my room by him, yes Mikie is home to a greater place, but I hope and pray alot of him is home with us in spirit and in our hearts as well.

Life is like?

Hi all.
Hoping your still around, painting, gluing, baking or sewing away. Today is a tad chilly, rainy but sensational to me. Today, if not for the fact a little evil kidney stone wants to rear it ugly spikes I would be doing some much needed sewing.
Life is still a constant struggle, a constant state of "why". I have returned to reading and also have enjoyed finding countless period series on DVD of jolly England times from Amazon.
Currently I am watching "The Grand" and immensely enjoying it. before The Grand I watched east of Eden with Jane Seymour made from Acorn Media, pretty darn good! I also completed watching each season of Upstairs Downstairs a true must see. haven't begun my kitchen makeover due to not finding "the paper" and it is driving me batty! I have added some fall and have made the decision to not do Halloween this year for many reasons. Grandson two wants to be a black lab??? so I'll be sewing that one up. Grandson one is still contemplating! Found some cute orange baskets at CVS and will fill with shredded paper or straw and some goodies.
So I have some spirit surfacing, a little and for now I am satisfied with that. Thought I would just pop up some pretty pinks for your pleasure. have a delightful fall week, do some baking!!
major swwwwooooonnnnnnnnnnnn

Oh almost had forgotten any of you attend the Country Living fair in Columbus last weekend? Noelle and I left on Friday afternoon and returned Sunday evening, we had a awesome fall weekend getaway. If you did what did you think? found some adorable vintage school finds, tasty dip mixes, pumpkins, a two sinfully yummy coffees! Ciao!

Hello

Hello friends, yes it has been sometime.

I have been grappling with the notion for months to close, conceal, move on from this blog. I needed my space to think this over and become a recluse. I had only one reason to become private - fear. The events after my son's passing with regards to his girlfriend of nine years and her family have brought us additional anguish instead of solace. you wonder how after nine years, with people you thought you knew, could they turn on you in your most difficult days. With this thought in mind I withdrew from you all after some time, the pain from them, the scars so very deep. I feared that they would invade this space. I did not and do not know if they are even aware of this spot of mine, but I felt threatened. So yes, I miss sharing things but have decided to just personally share my son and the coming months, years .......more privately to those whom I have known for years. Therefore, I will keep my blog open, strictly for pleasure purposes such as decorating and crafting as before. This is a tough decision, one which I hope not to regret. I am sure no matter what I do in the future this family will seek to find unjust things about myself and family, that I can not change. Senseless individuals are just that. I lost my wonderful son, a best friend, a confidant and daily inspiration , therefore I can not allow others who show no remorse for this tragedy to rob me of more.

I attempted and have almost completed my first project in months, painting my bedroom furniture white! Was really good sideline to distract me and looks fabulous! As soon as I download my camera apps will share.

For now, spend some time savoring the remaining month of summer:

catch a few fireflies in child-like wonder, bake a fresh fruit pie, plan a evening stroll in a historic neighborhood and simply enjoy family in all their splendor!

Just winging it...

I've been pretty sad, unorganized and just plain disconnected to life. My loss of Mikie has taken me to levels of sadness unimaginable. So many questions unanswered, so much tension, dishonesty from those who had connections with Mikie, it is overwhelming and disheartening to think anyone can be so cruel at this time. I've tried to get my list together to privatize but the last week came with more to do then I could muster the energy for. So I imagine I won't get to it till this weekend. To those who have messaged/emailed thanks. To those who have not included their blog name I will contact you, to protect my privacy I will have to verify if you have a blog before I can add you. I am just being cautionary incase anymore dishonesty comes my way. Trust me I thought I had seen everything, but I really have to see a secure blog before I can add you to my list. Hope you understand and are not offended.
About the tags?? I am pretty disappointed that I have very few who would be willing to craft a tag for my sons tree. Enough said on that.

I'm off to Arizona

I'm off to gather my son's belongings this week. As you might expect I am so worried about going, seeing his car, clothing, where he shopped worked and so forth. Days just pass by, blending into one another. I seriously hope things will slow down when I return home, time to reflect on my dear ones life, look through photos and just spend home time puttering in the flower beds, doing a little painting, just Lori things. I still am BEGGING for small tags for my sons branches. The tag could be a flower, cross, prayer, or one of Mikie's photos I have posted they don't have to be elaborate, I just need those little tags to make me feel so not alone as I do. Like I said before I hated to ask, I know this is a uncomfortable project, I get that, but still would appreciate your help. Two posts below is my address, can you help? Wish me luck and send prayers for me to try to hold my self together during this very difficult trip.

Happy Mother's Day!

My Mom passed away in August 2005, not a day goes by I don't miss her. My strongest prayer to God is that Mom was there with open arms in heaven to greet my son when he left us.

As another Mother’s Day rolls around
I begin to feel the pain in my heart grow
My heart is breaking without a sound
As I remember how much I love you so

It seems like only yesterday you were here
And we would set and talk the day away
You would tell me stories of yester year
And I hung on every word you’d say

I miss those moments so very much
They made our bond even stronger
Those memories always leave me touched
No that I don’t have you any longer

But as another Mother’s Day arrives
I celebrate it in memory of you
Because in me your spirit survives
And that love comes shining through

I will miss you until I breathe my last
And my love for you will never fade
It is for Mother’s Day future and past
That such magical memories are made

Wishing you a blissful Mother's Day dear friends!

Please think about making me a tag if you can. Information is in the previous post, thank you.

Requesting a bit of simplicity to give me joy

Hello friends far and wide,
Life has been a stready stream of moments both up and down, while I feel very sideways and confused. This week we had the unfortunate knowledge brought to our attention of some devious happenings going on, I am sorry but I can not expose them yet. One thing that has happened is emails sent to my son through my email address, such as he should send his mom flowers for Mothers day and and you name it. At first I was so upset, now I just delete and delete. Then our trash has been gone through so we have to keep it locked till trash day, and additionally weird calls. Husband was in a accident on Tuesday, his vehicle is totaled, ladies fault. And gee, hate to brag of bad luck but our water heater broke and mildly flooded us! However, my deepest and most sincere thoughts go out to all those affected by the terrible storms both the families and their friends, prayers out to you. It is tragic the lives lost and destruction. I tried to look at some of our difficulties as minor this week compared to others sorrows.
In my last post I asked if anyone could send me a small memory tag for a special project to place by my sons remains. I would like to set a few branches in a vase given to me at his funeral. I know postage can be a pain but I think a stamp or two would cover the shipping. Please ask one friend or two if they could help me. I long to see them fluttering over his oak container this summer, Mikie was born July 27th, and I plan on having a birthday party here with a few family members and friends. i would love to share your sweetness and creative with our guests.
Feel free to be creative you may use any photos of mine. My address is Lori Kolecki 2506 West Dunham St. South Bend , Indiana 46619
Please, please help me out. Days just seem to blend into one another, amidst emotionally spirals. Sending you peace and love, Lori

I found the courage to talk, a request too.

This is not an easy post to write, nor maybe not a easy post to read. I do need to write today about my heartache and misery.
When I initially received word some sort of accident happened, I imagined my son lying on a operating table alone. Of course I imagined the worst but never his death. Six hours later by phone a Sargent from Imperial county CA told me the worst news of my life. He apologized for having to tell me over the phone, he knew it would be many more hours if he flew here to tell me. You can magine my screams, my emotions, I wanted to break something, as I and my boy were broken. Near my phone is a very special, was a very special Phaltzcraft plate of a cottage, I tore it from the wall and crashed it in many pieces, I slammed my fist into the door frame, I ripped a necklace from my neck, beads spewing everywhere. I felt insane, I felt there was a terrible mistake.
Days went by, my son laid over 2000 miles away in a unknown place to me. All I could envision was my son in a bag, the nightmares grew to flashes when I was awake. I had to contact the funeral home, so unreal, I barely remember the call.
And then the horror continued I have not yet shared, they would not get a flight for my sons poor battered body to come home. Days went by, excuse after excuse. On Friday, almost one week later my funeral director had to call them yelling as I sat in the next room in tears wanting my son home. Finally we had a flight. My son would be driven 4 hours to San Diego to the airport, board a Delta plane and head to Atlanta. In Atlanta he would be taken off the plane for two hours placed on another to O'Hara in Chicago, while more hours would pass before allowed to leave.
Sunday morning I arrived at the funeral home with clothing, they looked at me and said they needed to speak to me privately. I knew. Yes, my poor son was still in California, in a small unknown town in the horrid bag. They never took him to board the plane. One excuse after another, lie upon lie. Monday my son was to have a viewing for us, his friends and a rosary service in the afternoon. Due to the closeness of the day I decided to go ahead with the plans and hoped he would arrive on Monday in time for his funeral, he did not. On Tuesday we had no son, no body, but only a picture and many tears. My God, I prayed and screamed silently, when will my son ever come home? We had a memorial Catholic mass, it was all we could do. Finally later that day he arrived in town.
Due to the initial investigation at the accident site, then waiting three days for the demanded autopsy by the CA Highway Patrol and coroner, then another 24 hours before the funeral home in CA begun what they were to do, time was not making this easy on his poor body. On the day after his funeral we were allowed to see my son for the first time in over a week. I went in first and was utterly shocked. I had been told from those in CA he was alright to be viewed. What I seen that Wednesday further broke my heart and me to pieces. I begged the siblings not to see him, they begged too. Friends, my son was dressed in his clothing, covered to his neck with a sheet. I would like to explain I was given the option of having him in a casket or on a medical cart, I chose the cart. I could not bring myself at this point to have a memory of his body in a casket, I am grateful they gave me this choice. My beautiful handsome son who made me so proud was barely recognizable, only his lips looked the same, and then some.
My family who is also gone had been laid to rest in the mausoleum near my home, as is the childrens dad Michael who died 14 months ago. As for my son I could not leave him there. My darling son Michael is in a oak case and I had chosen to cremate him, he is finally home with me. They made sure for me he was ready to come home the very next day. St. Joseph Funeral Home in South Bend Indiana, and it's director Steve have been the most compassionate and sincere people to me, I was blessed by their respect for my son and his family in the worst of pain.
So as you can see I am a complete mess. Each day I crawl out of bed, and try to do a little, and cry throughout the day. Not only was Mikie only 27 with a full life ahead, but even farther from home. He wasn't even in Arizona which he loved. He was hit at estimates of 80 mph, the man so far is free, so far! Only time will tell if justice will be upheld.
The entire time up till now has been full of additional grief and pain. Now I am having problems with his significant other to bring his things home and handle his things left behind, why I ask? We can only hope she or her family comes to their senses and cooperates with us here.
Well this took a lot to share, but I had to get it out. I do have one favor, which I feel so awkward to ask of anyone, but I am, so please forgive me. Years ago when my youngest was entering the Air Force, I asked as a surprise for his graduation and going away party if anyone would make me a small tag, can I ask the same for my son Mikie?
I would like to take some branches and hang these tags by his oak case in my room. This summer as the breezes come in, the fluttering of the tags would grace over him with both your love and prayers. I know times are tough and if I could get a few I would appreciate this so. I am allowing you to use any photos of my son I have posted both now or previously. If you belong to a group, maybe they could help me out, or maybe add a request to your own blog. I know that my friends and fellow bloggers are some of the most loving people I know. The outpouring of prayers and comfort even from those I am only meeting have provided me with daily comfort.
If you have time, you can email me at pinkfadedroses@sbcglobal.net for my address and can pass it on to others who would want to help me with my sons memory tree.
In closing, thank you to Mollye and all the girls out their across the globe for comforting me and praying for my son and our family. Each day a email comes in or a comment and I can find comfort in my crazy sad world here. Peace and God bless and hug your family members a little tighter this Easter, Lori

So much has happened, where to start?

The nightmare continued all last week. Things that in our wildest imagination occurred, sometime this week when I can I'll be back to share. I'm hanging on as best as can be..........

Michael Ryan, my far away son.........

~Mikie~
One week.
I'm lost in a nightmare, so real, so unreal. I'm watching the clock, feeling sick, I can't keep warm.
Please go to the link below after today, Saturday for my sons full, you know what it is, I can't say the word.
I love you son, I love you baby boy.
//obits.southbendtribune.com/obituaries/southbendtribune/

Life is brutal

My son still is in CA. I am unable to make arrangements and it is worsening each day for me. As if we here are not in enough pain we feel more and more helpless. Son Marc with my Mikie Christmas, 2008.
Mikie loved Kermit, and this song, I will be playing it at his funeral. I have his childhood Kermit stuffed animal which will sit amongst blue fresh flowers on a lily pad of big green leaves. There will be a water lily too, Above my dear son on the horrible casket. This is the first time I thought this word and I want to throw up

My son is gone

~Michael Ryan Chiddister~
~ July 27,1983 went to his family in heaven March 26,2011~ is with the most painful heart I have to tell you my son passed away yesterday evening in Gamis CA. Michael Ryan Chiddister, born July 27th 1983 was taken from me last evening in a horrible accident on the sand dunes in Glamis, CA. Mikie as we call him, on the right with my next son Andrew on our trip out west last March.
My children Mikie, Noelle, Marc and Andrew at Noelle's wedding, one month before their Dad died in 2009.
My son walking me down the aisle at my second marriage in 99
My little guy
Last July in South Bend with nephew Gage, Mikie has lived in Surprise Arizona since October of 2006. Those that know me know how much I miss him and wanting him to come home.
Mikie was the most gentlest loving guy, never afraid to let others see this side of him, a trait many don't have at his age.
Mikie in AZ last year. he loved the West but missed home and green trees everywhere, he missed seeing more trains too!

Not our best picture I was leaving from Sky harbor to come home last March and he was pooped from a long days work.
So hard to make sense of this, my best friend had a son Bryan who was born after Mikie on my birthday. Diane's son Bryan died tragically by a drunken driver and I never thought that we would share mother's worst heart ache in the world. Bryan was 16 at the time, it made Mikie afraid to drive, he waited till he was 18.
This has been such a trying year with husbands M.S , my health, and now this. I wish I had taken his place above he had great ideas plans, children to have, and a whole life ahead.
Mikie was pronounced dead at the seen, hours passed before I actually knew this I was over 2000 miles away, knowing nothing for over 3 hours. Guys you can imagine my prayers, I know now they were too late. I have to ask with my sad self, please offer up to God prayers to make sure he is with all our famiy who passed and especially my Mom that she is holding his hand as he looks about and wonders about this new place. May just a teeny part of my boy or as much as can be with me each and everday till I can hold onto him again. My biggest comfort is the unconditional and amazing love he had for me.
I'll share more later, you guys are about all I have to share my sorrow with, I'm pretty alone.

~Blissful Blues~

Happy First Day of Spring!
Anticipating blue skies, and upcoming moments digging in the fresh earth!
I know I am obsessively a pink lady, but I do savor blue! My home was primarily shades of blue for many, many years...then pink bloomed about! HOWEVER!!! This Spring as I paint my kitchen I will be adding touches of blue and aqua. The shades of pale pinks, blues and aqua remind me so much of my Grandma's and Auntie's kitchens which I think of with such fond memories!
Enjoy some blues!

"There's a bluebird on your windowsill, There's a rainbow in your sky, There are happy thoughts, your heart to fill, Near enough to make you cry."

I just adore the soft shades of this room. The color so much reminds me of the 1950's.
I honestly had this paint color in my bedroom years ago.
Isn't this the most clever and cute idea?






I love this little gem!!





Have a fresh and Springy week!